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-- Steven WrightThis guy is sitting at the end of the bar looking gloomy. His friend arrives and sits down beside him. “Why so glum, chum?” he asks his sad friend.“Oh, it’s my wife, she beats me at everything we compete at. Jogging, bowling, tennis, cards ... just everything.”The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. “I know,” he exclaims, “Challenge her to a pissing contest.”“A pissing contest?”“Surely you can out distance her on that ... do it on the front lawn so you can see the difference.”“Ok, I’ll do it.”So he goes home and says to his wife, “I challenge you to distance pissing contest. We’ll meet on the front lawn after dark.”So they each prepare themselves drinking lots of beverage prior to the contest. After dark they meet and the husband suggests the wife go first. So she drops her drawers and lets out with a modest shower.Hubby steps up, drops his drawers, and grabs his “equipment”. His wife says, “Ah, no, dear. No hands allowed.”A woman goes into a store and buys a. She was a little more than a head taller than I was, so I had a perfect view of her perky B cups. She was modest, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. At this moment, my best friend since I was in fourth grade had her arms around me, and she was sobbing hard. As much as I wanted to by sympathetic, I couldn’t because her breasts were pushing against my face. I hoped I wasn’t blushing, as she poured her feelings out to me. ‘I mean,’ she wailed between sobs, ‘I loved him, then he slept with that slut!’ ‘There, there.’ I gently wiped her tears away, staring into her green eyes that made me melt inside. ‘Don’t worry. You are amazing, Ivy. I mean, you are just beautiful.’ She smiled. ‘Really?’ ‘He’s an idiot, for giving you up.’ I put my arms around her again, her breast pushing against my cheek. ‘Men are pigs sometimes. I know this sounds weird, but sometimes I wish I didn’t need them. Sometimes I wish I could just be with women instead.’ My nipples hardened and my.
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